Womens Things

During a pre-natal LaLeche class, I raised a concern about trying to
breast-feed while working. The instructor warned me that my job would
put me at risk for breast-feeding failure.

Then she concluded: "But that's your choice."

Fast forward to more than a decade later. A debate rages about the
"choice" of many professional women with children to stay home (For
example, see "The Opt-Out Revolution" by Lisa Belkin and "Opt Out: The
Press Discovers the Mommy Wars, Again" by Cathy Young.). Media
attention to these women raised fears that their actions would feed old
stereotypes that said women didn't really want to work.

Oh, if only it were that simple!

Few of us have the luxury of free "choice" as we strive to balance career
and family. Many of us find our "choices" severely limited.

My LaLeche instructor didn't ask if I had a spouse (swollen fingers
prevented me from wearing my wedding ring). How much of a "choice"
is it to work when you're a single parent? Or when your partner's job
lacks health insurance or enough income to support the family in decent
living conditions?

Many, many moms -- and dads -- work out of necessity rather than
choice.

At the same time, many professional women are abandoning the
workplace because of the poor choices available there.

A recent survey of 43 white professional women who had left the fast
track highlighted the scarcity of attractive workplace choices (Pamela
Stone and Meg Lovejoy in "Mommies and Daddies on the Fast Track:
Success of Parents in Demanding Professions," Sage Publications
2004).

About 90 percent of the women in the survey had struggled with the
decision to quit. A former manager at a public utilities company said:

"What...was so hard was it was like a loss of identity. Ironically, that
Sunday, after I made the decision, the sermon at church was 'Loss of
Identity because of Loss of Job or Loss of Spouse.' That kind of clicked
with me."

Moms who'd left demanding professions -- in most cases, male-
dominated professions -- cited such concerns as:

*60+ hour weeks with 24/7 responsibility.

*Inflexible schedules.

*Part-time arrangements that ended up being full time.

*"Mommy tracks" that lacked interesting work or chances for promotion.

*Downsizing and restructuring resulting in speed-up and a more
"corporate" culture less supportive of parenting.

Meanwhile, fast-track husbands and a lack of high-quality child care
added pressure from home.

Five women in the survey quit their jobs for "traditional" reasons. These
women had no ambivalence about quitting their jobs and placed a high
value on being with their children full time.

But many of us are working -- or not working -- because of factors that
have little to do with our values or "choice." A failure to recognize the
limits on "choice" all too easily leads to false blame or guilt.

Does it make any sense, then, EVER to use the word "choice" when
talking about work/family balance?

Yes -- with care.

The key is to be clear about what's under our control and what isn't.

This is going to sound strange, not being a mommy but having a "mommy moment"; it sounds strange to me too! So, let me take you back a few years so I can explain.

When my nephew was 2 years old (he's now 10), I offered to babysit him one day a week so I could develop a relationship with him. I'd missed out on doing this with the previous 5 nieces and nephews to a large extent so I didn't want to miss out on this one. This little boy had already captured my heart but I wanted more. Well, I'll tell you, I got more! He has always been very intelligent, not to mention that he was TWO. You mommies all know what that means, right?

You moms are all going to laugh, because although I'm the eldest of six children and very capable of diaper changing and feeding, I had no idea what to actually "do" with him all day. I kept thinking how do women get anything done when they have children around? That first day I was wiped out tired when his parents picked him up because I just assumed that a toddler needed constant entertaining.

We played with his toys which took up about 10 minutes, went outside to look at plants and tell him the names of flowers, and my golden retriever joined in but that took maybe another 15 minutes. I had only 6 ½ hours to go! The diaper changing took up a bit of time (I was rusty), and meal time was interesting trying to understand what he did and didn't like - I was fooled. Then I decided, well I need a moment to rest, I'll play some music! That was the key to a very enjoyable summer of learning to interact with my nephew and develop our own special relationship.

One of the first things I did was shorten the hours I had him with me! I wanted to get to know him, NOT become a surrogate mom. We finally got a routine down where we listened to music and danced together. It was such great fun and we both laughed and enjoyed that. I participated with his parents in the potty training phase - something I don't feel the need to do again but was a good lesson for me to learn. I learned he liked "macky cheese" for lunch and of course, since I am auntie, he got special chocolate snacks too. That made nap time even more difficult since he wasn't ever and still isn't the napping sort. How could anyone nap with all that sugar in them anyway??

Our relationship grew and grew as that wonderful summer progressed. He was a great little helper, and even helped me clean my refrigerator one day. My dog was used to being my baby and he was jealous but ever the tolerant golden. I taught my nephew how to dance, which was fun and we played lots of boy tumbling games - I'm a tomboy myself so it worked. Since it was summer I joined him at my mom's one day a week too. He always wanted to swim with mostly me, much to his parents chagrin. To this day, Thursdays are my swimming days with him and now his sister too. I guess he brought out the kid in me! You may be wondering where is that "mommy moment", so here it comes.

On one of our "days" together, my husband and I were in the kitchen talking. My husband was working a swing type shift for the US Postal Service back then and hadn't left for work yet. "Macky cheese" was cooking on the stove, not yet ready for my nephew to do his part of adding the cheese and stirring, the stereo was blaring in the background, my dog was trucking around keeping an eye on my nephew. My nephew was skipping around in a circle nearby making toddler noises.

Then it happened - the "mommy moment". I stopped talking to my husband to look at my nephew and sort of chuckle at his toddler singing noises, and looked around in a sort of daze, thinking, "This is a mommy moment!" This is what moms do all day and never think twice about it in order to keep their sanity and their selves intact. My nephew had blended into my life almost so seamlessly, that I had become comfortable with the routine and noises while keeping an ever vigilant eye open for him and yet continuing on in my daily chores.

This is what all you moms do daily, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week! All I can say is, with much ado, you are all phenomenal women, all of you! God has gifted you with such a tremendous gift of motherhood and with that gift comes a tremendous responsibility.
You fix the "boo boos", change the diapers, are chauffeur, chef, arbitration expert, financial wizard, stain masters, and so much, much more! Moms, you have all the skills required to run conglomerates just by what is required to be a mom. Remember that during the struggles that inevitably ensue, and grab one of those "mommy moments" from your treasure box to get you through. I do, and I'm not even a mom.

"Listen my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many. I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold onto instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life."
Let's not forget Proverbs 31 either!

Who’ll Throw the Shower?
There’s an ongoing debate – that can actually become quite emotional and vocal – that tried to determine whether or not a relative should throw the baby shower. Traditionally, the view has been that a relative should not throw a baby shower, because it can appear that the relative is requesting
gifts. Yet traditions change, and there are times when a sibling, or a cousin, or an aunt might be the ideal and somewhat convenient choice.

So what should you do? To answer this, we can respond with the best, and sometimes most unsatisfying answer of them all: it depends.

Sorry, but it really does depend. If you hail from a rather traditional or conventional background, it may be wise to see that a non-relative is in charge of the baby shower. In addition, even if you, personally, are comfortable with a relative throwing the baby shower, some of your guests – who may be less comfortable with it than you – may object (or just whisper about it behind your back).

Use your judgment here. Perhaps the most practical advice is this: if you can conveniently and pleasantly not have a relative run things, then that will likely be the best route to go. However, if that’s just not possible, plausible, or preferred, then don’t feel like you’re someone from outer
space because you’re related to the mother-to-be. More and more people are breaking with tradition; especially since they feel that the perception of a relative “asking for gifts”
arguably doesn’t exist anymore.

Gifts (which we talk about further on in this book) are rather integral to baby showers; it’s quite hard to imagine one without gifts. Since that is the case, whether a relative requests them from those attending the baby shower, or a non-relative requests them, arguably isn’t important to those attending. They’re likely focused on what the baby shower should focus on: the mother-to-be, and a wonderful opportunity to share in her joy.

Now, there’s an amusing (at least from our current detached perspective) on this that you should know about. Some people may not want to run the baby shower. It’s assumed that if you’re reading this, that you’re quite happy with the assignment, and you’d like to do some quality – and easy! –
research so that everything goes off without a hitch.

Yet if you aren’t the one whose holding the baby shower, but perhaps the mother-to-be who is about to hand over this book to a relative or friend who will hold the shower, then we should take a little time-out to talk about something important.

A baby shower is a wonderful event that is filled with laughter, love, and perhaps a few tears (of happiness). Yet putting one together can require an investment of time. Not a lot of time; not compared to, say, planning a wedding or for some people, planning a vacation.

Yet it’s fair to simply note that putting together a baby shower does require some focus, and some time. If you’re about to nominate someone to take on this task, then please bear this in mind; that person should understand that they’ll need to do a little bit of work (but it’s fun work, of course).
And if you’ve been asked to put together a baby shower – or if it’s just been assumed that you’ll do it – and you’re a little worried about your own lack of time available, then don’t worry. This book will help you immensely. Furthermore, nothing is stopping you from recruiting a deputy or two to help you with the details, such as preparing food, refreshments, and helping with decorations and games.

When Should the Shower Happen?
This is an important question to ask, and of course, to answer. And as usual, there are a few different viewpoints on when to hold the baby shower. Fortunately, however, these views aren’t as debatable as they sometimes are when it comes to whether a relative or non-relative should hold the baby shower (as we discussed above). So don’t worry; this is a rather easy and straightforward challenge to solve.
Now, the real problem here is simply that there isn’t a clear answer to the question: when should the shower happen? The answer to this will almost always depend on factors that are specific to the mother-to-be, the guests, and other issues.

So rather than providing a “one-size-fits-all” answer here – which is something that we can’t do without knowing the details of your particular baby shower – let’s just look at the variables. Once you know these, you’ll easily be able to determine when the baby shower should be held.

The Mother-to-Be
Let’s start with mother-to-be. She may have a preference about when the shower should be held; and this preference should be heeded. The father-to-be might also provide input here, which is wonderful and should be part of the overall decision-making process (we take a closer look at “couples” baby-showers later on in this book).

What kinds of things might influence a mother-to-be’s preference on when the shower should be held? Some of them prefer to have the shower when they’re showing; they may feel that there’s something more appropriate (for lack of a better word) about holding a shower when people can
actually see that a baby is on the way.

In practical terms, this means that a shower might be held well into the second trimester, or into the third.

The Guests
As we all know, December is a season for parties and events; both business, and personal. As a result, it may be polite to not hold the baby shower during “party season”, as it may influence whether people would be able to attend (or be able to relax when they attend, because they don’t have
three more “get togethers” to go to after the baby shower!).Furthermore, if you live in a wintry climate, it may be a pleasant idea to not have the baby shower in the dead of winter. True, life does go on in the middle of January and people go to work and do many of the things that they want to do (go shopping, go to restaurants, and so on), but if it makes absolutely no difference to you and the mother-to-be (and/or the father-to-be) whether the baby shower is held in late January or late April, then it may be advisable to choose the latter; simply for climate concerns.

The Gifts
This is one that most people don’t think about until someone brings it up, and then they say to themselves: ohhhh, yes, that makes sense! Fortunately for you, you’re getting a sneak-peak at that thought well before someone at the baby shower asks it! As we all know, some people prefer to give gender-specific gifts. While, indeed, times have changed and makers of baby-related items are creating more gender-neutral items, there’s still a large contingent of people who want to give baby blue gifts to an impending son, or pink gifts to an impending daughter.In light of this, if the parents-to-be have decided to learn the baby’s gender via ultrasound, and further decided to share that information with the world-at-large, then it may be very appreciated by the baby shower guests if you hold  the shower after the baby’s gender information has widely disseminated. In other words: some people will be grateful that they know whether a boy or girl is on the way before they buy their gift.

Ultrasound gender diagnostic tests typically happen around the 9 week mark of gestation (though it can be later in some cases), and so this factor may influence whether you hold the shower early on, or wait until this information is known (assuming, of course, that the parents-to-be want to
know!).

Post-Birth Baby Showers
Some people are surprised to learn that many baby showers happen after the baby has been born. Actually, this is quite common because, in addition to having the shower itself, this timing affords guests the wonderful opportunity to actually see the baby (and make all kinds of goo goo gaa
gaa noises that we all love to make!). Holding a post-birth shower may also work out better in light
of other factors noted above, such as climate, and preferences of the parents-to-be.

Sending out Invitations
Okay, here’s where things can be a little bit awkward.Scratch that; here’s where some people dread being in charge of a baby shower, because at issue is: who to invite?

A good rule of thumb here is to work with the mother (and ideally, the father) to-be in order to decide who should attend, and who should be left off the list. This is a delicate scenario and can cause a number of minor headaches (even some major ones).
The problem is, simply, that while it would be ideal to invite everyone who would want to attend, that’s just not practical; either economically, or simply in terms of planning. Ultimately, decisions will have to be made, and if you can work with the parents-to-be to make these decisions, the chances of making wise ones will increase. Once you’ve figured out who to invite – and this process can take a few days of thinking and re-thinking – the next step is to send out the invitations. Ensure that you do this well in advance of the baby shower. There are two major reasons for this.

Firstly, you want to give your invitees enough lead time to that if they do have something planned on the baby shower date that they can, if they wish, move those plans in order to attend. If you don’t provide them with enough notice,even if they want to change their existing plans, they might
not be able to.

Secondly, you want to give people enough time to RSVP (i.e. confirm their attendance). Some people are not the most organized people in the world, and as such they might not RSVP right away. As such, you want to give them a bit of time to get to this on their ever-growing TO-DO list. Now, there’s another issue here that we should discuss. Some people think, or just assume really, that if you don’t RSVP, that means you aren’t attending. That’s actually not technically correct. RSVP doesn’t mean (even in the French language from where it comes) that someone is going to attend. It simply means: please get back to me on this. So what’s the issue? It’s that it can be a little disastrous to assume that if you don’t get an RSVP, that people won’t attend. Because some people will simply show up, and when you say that you assumed they weren’t coming because they didn’t “RSVP”, they may frown and say what we’re pointing out here: RSVP, itself, doesn’t mean yes or
no. It just means: please respond. Naturally, of course, people should RSVP and let you know if they’re going to attend. It’s the polite thing to do, without question. But polite is one of those eye of the beholder terms; and people who haven’t invested several days of their life to putting a memorable baby shower together may not realize how impolite they are being by just showing up, unannounced.

So how do you solve this problem? Well, like all good solutions: you head it off before it becomes a problem! While you want to have all of your invitees RSVP, you should make it utterly clear that you’d like a response regardless of whether they will attend. To that end, depending on the size of your baby shower guest list, you should include a self-addressed stamped envelope and a self-typed note with each invitation that says something like this:

Dear Mary,

You are warmly invited to attend a baby shower forour friend Darla! The shower will be held on April 15th at 1:30pm. It will be held at my home, which is at 123 Main Street. It’s just one block east of Main and 8th Avenue, and ample parking is available on the street. If you need directions, please call me at 555-1234. We’d like to have a sense of how many of Darla’s friends will be able to attend. Could you please fill out this form below by checking in the appropriate box,and then mail it to me in the self-addressed stamped envelope provided? Please Send it to me by March 28th. Thank you so much!

(please check one)
I will be attending Jane’s baby shower on April 15th at 1:30pm.
I regretfully will not be able to attend the baby shower.
*** Remember: Please mail before March 28th in the self-addressed stamped envelope provided.

THANK YOU! ***


You can create any variation of this as you want. This is just a simple little sample that highlights the things that you should ask: whether an invitee is attending, or whether an invitee isn’t. In other words, you don’t want any grey area here; you don’t want any default that says: I didn’t reply, so I’m not coming. A little note like the one above obliges, in a polite and tasteful way, your invitee to actively let you know whether they’ll show up or not. Now, if your baby shower guest list is smaller and it’s
feasible to do so, you may want to skip the mailing campaign and just phone people up and ask them to attend.If you have the time and the ability to do so (e.g. the guest list is small enough for you to manage), this is the preferred method. It gives your invitees the opportunity to ask pertinent questions, such as whether the mother-to-be is in any gift registry. Let’s talk about this right now.
To Gift Registry or Not to Gift Registry This is another one of those fun decisions that involve the
mother-to-be, and probably the father-to-be, as well. Gift registries are, generally speaking, wonderful inventions because the conveniently solve a lot of potentially confusing problems, such as:

 What will the parents-to-be want as a gift?
 What gift items have already been purchased by other invitees?
 What price range is appropriate?

So with all of this evidence in favor of gift registries, why might someone not use one? Well, there are few reasons. The simplest reason is one of preference. Some people simply don’t want to limit the range of things that guests might buy; especially if some gifts aren’t typically found in stores that offer registries. For example, some artistic guests may want to create something for the baby; perhaps
wooden mobile, or a beautiful picture to hang in the baby’s room. These kinds of items, by definition, can’t appear on a gift registry; and so parents-to-be might wish to avoid using one. Another reason is one of cost. Depending on the number of people invited to the baby shower, and presuming that those
that have been invited attend, there may be a slight awkwardness if the registry contains gift possibilities that might frankly be outside of a person’s price range. This can indeed be awkward.
For example, if 20% of the gifts in the registry are below,say, $30, there is some possibility that these ones will be snatched up first; thus leaving a latecomer to buy something more expensive, or risk buying something that isn’t on the registry at all and therefore might not be wanted by the
parents.
To help deal with this situation, it’s possible for you (as the organizer) for informally recommend that people band together to buy certain bigger ticket items, like a crib or a stroller. In this way, people can still stay within their budget limitations, yet purchase something that the parents want, and indeed, need (since babies can be very expensive!). Remember, of course, that if you choose the registry route, that you provide all the necessary details. It may also be wise to include your phone number if anyone has any questions about gifts or the registry.

Such an expression of grief that came from nowhere; one moment all the ladies were raving about how blessed the church was with so many pregnancies, the next all the attention was on my wife.

And all she said was, 'I'm avoiding those women, must be about 20 of them, simply because it's too much when we're trying and getting nowhere. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for them, but [tears beginning to well up in her eyes, a quiver arriving on her voice] the pain of seeing them have babies is too much for me.'

It was a moment in a church small group meeting where the mood changed. Joy shifted to sadness as compassion arrived to meet my wife where she was. There were no clichés, there was nobody fobbing her off, and nobody tried to offer a solution... just a moment's silence, as if all the women there knew exactly how my wife felt. It was a very sweet moment, even if it took a mighty amount of courage for my introverted wife to pipe up.

It was a risk of transformational guts that shook the meeting to a deeper, better, more truth-filled place.

Mother's Day that year was tough. It was horrible. We couldn't get away from all the joy of the event at church, but at least the church offered a remembrance for those who struggle on Mother's Day.

It hasn't been the only tough Mother's Day. Truth be told, probably more than half of our Mother's Days together have been tough.

It's because such a day is somehow supposed to be so perfect, and it never is.

It's because the day is resplendent with reminders of the various kinds of loss we've been exposed to.

It's because we know of so many within our reach of ministry who lament and cannot connect with this supposed sacred of maternal days.

Anyone reading this will quickly identify in themselves or in someone close to them the slivering shards of pain that quicken an unforgettable grief to the heart on an entirely forgettable day.

Mother's Day is unfortunately one of those days. It draws what pain might be there to the surface. Such days, therefore, are ideal opportunities to connect with people in their brokenness; particularly, in this case, women in many life circumstances, and men as well.

But will we go there with them? Will we look deeper than the apparent joy? Will we invite and welcome through the door of our heart a vitalising authenticity?

Of course, there are many retail winners on days many deem as forgettable. Sure, it's good for the economy. And my mother always did say that Mother's Day should be every day of the year, not just the second Sunday in May. Our mothers deserve more honour than being heralded as saints one day per year.

But it is to the women who bear an unforgettable grief on a forgettable day that this piece is written. Those who wish to be mothers who can't. Those who live in the middle ground of a hope yet to be realised. Those who lost babies, or sons or daughters far too early; a grief never forgotten. Those who have lost their mothers; the living connection to the person who sheltered their vulnerable self through the formative years and who connects them to their matchless humanity. Those, too, whose mothers let them down and never met them when they needed them most. Those who cannot be physically close to their mothers or their sons or daughters.

I am constantly inspired by the strength that I see in my wife to step forward, particularly in those many seasons of life where grief was stark. The same goes for many other women I've taken note of who have attempted to do the same thing.

To each person stung by an inescapable reality, my prayer is you'll be met by the God of your own creation.

Motherhood is a gift and no one could ever take that gift away from you. Before the time of conception, you are being prepared to become the perfect mother to your beloved. Your entire being has been designed to become fit as a mom.

As soon as the baby is born, you would realize that you possess certain characteristics, talents, and abilities that you didn't know exist hadn't you become a mother. That is why there is no such thing as incompetent mom, there is however, someone who is just not willing to take on the responsibility.

Whether you have been a mom for a long time already or still about to embark the journey, know for a fact that there's so many things to love about motherhood. Here are some of the reasons why:

Unending support

Motherhood is not a walk in the park. There will be lots of challenges and roller coaster rides along the way - and this is normal. You would experience occasional bouts of intense emotions or perhaps experience tremendous stress during the first years due to lack of sleep and physical tiredness.

Despite of all the difficulties experience by a mother, it is actually the perfect time to see and know how much support you have around you. Your spouse would be the first one to be there for your needs (especially in the emotional aspect) & your immediate relatives like your own mother will be there to guide you every step of the way, teaching you what and what's not in raising a child.

This support you'll receive won't be at par with the support you experienced in the past, because the support shown to you will have a significant impact to your entire motherhood experience.

Sense of accomplishment

No one said that raising up a child is easy. In fact, there are no shortcuts to it. The complexities of motherhood will what makes it very challenging and exciting for every single mother out there. Once you break through from all the challenges you face, that will be the time you would begin to feel a deep sense of accomplishment for yourself.

A connection with your own child

An opportunity like this does not always come. Being a mother gives you opportunities to see and discover the world of your own flesh and blood and also lets you have a deeper sense of connection with them.

You get to embrace them with your own arms, play with them, talk with them anytime of the day, and even sleep beside them all through the night. Being able to get connected to your own child is a priceless gift that does not happen all the time.

Opportunities to watch them grow

Children don't stay where they are. They grow to become mature and independent. The opportunity to be able to watch them grow from being an infant down to becoming an adult is truly rewarding. It is even more amazing to think that you will be there in their most promising time to be their number 1 supporter.

As they grow, you begin to see what their interests are and see how those interests evolve to be their strengths and capabilities.

Bundle of Joy

Even in the most trying times, your child can be your ultimate joy and satisfaction. Children are a heritage, a reward, and a blessing to families. Most parents would agree that children can be your source of strength when times are tough, and joy when things go rough.

They will serve as your inspiration in everything you do. In the past all you did was for yourself, but now you get a sense of purpose in everything you do- and all of them for your children. As a parent, you would always want their best interest in mind. And while you busy yourself raising up your child, you will also feel the joy of being their mother.

Motherhood is both hard work and joy. They go hand in hand and that makes it very rewarding. Motherhood may not be for everyone, but to those who have been honed by it, they would be more than willing to share to everyone their experience of motherhood bit by bit.

I am George Patt, passionate writer, photographer, traveler and technology addicted. Proud dad of three awesome boys.

Until the moment I became a mother, I couldn't quite understand or comprehend the depth when people say "Mothers are the strongest, most noble and loving people in this whole wide world" It's just a whole bunch of cliché stuff that I could live without, thank you very much!

The pain. The joy. The sacrifices. The love. The fear. The confusion. The anxiety, panic, loss of time, loss of privacy. The internal battle between a person's own inner personality conflicting with those of being a mother. The need to be alone and oneself roughly pushed aside because a child needs caring, loving and affection. The loss of sleep, the loss of opportunities.

I knew but I never understood.

Now that I am mom, everything within me is screaming for attention. My needs to be the best mom in this whole wide world and the need for me to be the best that I can be. Now, I realize the weight of the statement. We are the noblest people in this whole wide world.

There are many different sensations which come along with being a mother. Some good and some bad.

Best moments of motherhood
1. Seeing your baby's first smile (does it matter that it could have been wind in tummy? Nah!)

2. Breastfeeding

3. Baby cooing and smiling when she sees you

4. Baby calms down when you give me a nice warm cuddle

5. Baby's first tooth

6. The first giant wobbly step

7. The first word

8. The first baby utters 'mamma' or 'mommy'

9. Getting down for tickle-time...right after story time

10. Seeing your child/baby overcome an obstacle without your help

11. The start of potty training (Very huge accomplishment)

12. The first A, B, C...

13. The first 1, 2, 3

14. When your baby comes over to you for a hug (for no apparent reason at all)

15. When someone tells you that your child is handsome or pretty

16. When someone compliments you on how well-behaved your child is

17. Child learns how to dance

18. Enjoying the off-key singing of your child

19. Seeing your child make new friends

20. Your child is able to love someone else other than you and herself.

21. You can dance around naked with your child with no inhibition

22. Going shopping with your teen.

23. Kissing your child in the morning before leaving for work

24. when your child gives you something to show you what a wonderful mother you have been to him/her.

Worst moments of motherhood
1. colic

2. First month as a mother

3. Teething problems

4. Inability to understand what your child is yabbering about (when learning to talk)

5. Sleeplessness

6. Awful excess of weight

7. First few months returning to work

8. Separation anxiety (for both mother and child)

9. Missing your child when you're alone

10. The inability to watch a single TV program or movie right to the end uninterrupted

11. Missing out with all your unmarried, child-less friends

12. Missing out on those romantic diaper-less moments with your spouse

13. Baby giving your health shock 3 times a week

14. The first few days of weaning baby onto solids

15. Weaning baby from the breast

16. You feel like complete old hag in a disco or party.

17. First few times baby starts walking (toddling)

18. Throwing a tantrum of your own in response to your child's

19. Clinging child when you're tired from work or rushing to meet a deadline

20. Starting preschool

21. Employing a new nanny

22. When your teen gets his/her driving license....oohhh....the tension and stress!

23. When your teen tells you she's got a boyfriend...worse still, she doesn't tell you a ting and you find out about it from your neighbor.

This question came to my mind unexpectedly, while I was looking through the window of my office, waiting for my boss to provide me with the 25th round of changes to the next year budget. Even though this exercise is completely useless, because the 26th round is coming tomorrow, I felt guilty. Feeling guilty for me is like eating or breathing, everyday necessity. If there is no apparent reason for it; it's not a problem, I can always make up one. I blame my mom for it - my Jewish mother.

My mom loves my sister and myself deeply and unconditionally. We talk every day. If my mom calls and I am not home, I feel guilty. She would come up with some horrific scenarios in her mind and worry herself to death. She would feed us and our families until we can't get up from the table. If I don't try everything she cooked and complement, I feel guilty - it hurts her feelings. I don't remember hearing "Good Job" from my mom. There is always something small (or big) that could be done better. She compares us to others, but somehow fails to come to the conclusion that we grew up to be independent and successful people. First, my mom seems surprised that her kid actually accomplished something; second, there is someone else who achieved more. She is worried that we don't think everything through before making an important step. When I told her that we were buying a house, she asked: "Are you sure you have money for it? What happens if you lose your job?"

My parents' primary goal was to make sure we have food, clothe and roof over our heads. They wanted us to get an education, which would lead to stable jobs - with "stable" being the key word. It's OK to be stuck at a job you hate, as long as you get a paycheck. Everybody is doing it. We talked about politics, books, but never about personal matters. I could not imagine having a conversation with my parents regarding alcohol, drugs, and sex. It was not something you discuss at a dinner table.

My parents wanted us to have a good life - stable, calm, risk free, without any major ups or downs. They did what they knew how and were comfortable with. They are great people, and I've learned a lot from them. They shaped a person I grew up to be.

In my opinion, my mom is a partially "Jewish mother". She definitely overfed me (too bad I am naturally skinny) and always put me first; but she also instilled a feeling of guilt in me, worry about non-existent problems and doubt about my abilities. She was never overprotective, or wanted something back in return for her "hardships" of raising me. I give her a lot of credit for not getting too involved in my life after I got married. She could comment on minor things, but she stood away from my relationship with my husband, kids, career choices, money decisions. In some areas of raising my children I follow my parents, in others I take completely different route. As probably any parent, I constantly question my approach to disciplining kids, and decisions I make on a daily basis. I may think that I handle things the right way at the moment, but the next day I realize my mistake.

Which brings me to the question at hand: am I a Jewish mother? Sure, I am a mother and I am Jewish, but these are not the only pre requisites for obtaining this Honorary Degree. In fact, you don't even have to be Jewish to qualify for "Jewish mother". I am yet to figure out if this is an insult or a complement. I guess it depends on circumstances.

I've decided to look what others think about it, and came up with the following "Jewish mother syndrome" definitions:

Wikipedia

The stereotype generally involves a nagging, loud, highly-talkative, overprotective, smothering, and overbearing mother or wife, who persists in interfering in her children's lives long after they have become adults and who is excellent at making her children feel guilty for actions which may have caused her to suffer.[1] The Jewish mother stereotype can also involve a loving and overly proud mother who is highly defensive about her children in front of others. Like Italian mother stereotypes, Jewish mother characters are often shown cooking for the family, urging loved ones to eat more, and taking great pride in their food. Feeding a loved one is characterized as an extension of the desire to mother those around her. Lisa Aronson Fontes describes the stereotype as one of "endless caretaking and boundless self-sacrifice" by a mother who demonstrates her love by "constant overfeeding and unremitting solicitude about every aspect of her children's and husband's welfare[s]".[2]

Urban dictionary.com

Jewish mothers an unstoppable force of nature that will feed you, pamper you, and pester you at the slightest provocation. known to spout Yiddish randomly.

be warned: if you come to my house, you WILL leave with a full stomach and a bag of leftovers.

Based on Richard W. Malott at Western Michigan University who spent fair amount of time studying this syndrome: "The Jewish-Mother Syndrome: You can never do it right; no matter how hard you try. So you try harder and harder, because, if you don't, you'll feel even more guilt. Successful people seem driven by this guilt, fear, and anxiety. Without his own Jewish-mother syndrome, we would never have had the world's most brilliant, insightful psychotherapist Sigmund Freud. But, without their Jewish-mother syndromes, Dr. Freud's patients wouldn't have needed the world's most brilliant psychotherapist. Nothing is free. So what happens to the unfortunate who have not had a good Jewish Mother? They will have a low rate of empathetic behavior, and they will also have a low rate of other productive professional or work behavior. Those who have had moderately effective Jewish mothering will start fearing failure at the beginning of the month when the task is assigned and will start to work on it right away, with the immediate results of a mild decrease in their fear, and with the long term results that they complete a high quantity of high-quality tasks on a timely basis."

The other day I was talking to my son's swimming coach, asking her to make him work hard. She said: "You must be a Jewish mother. I have three boys myself, all grown up now. They are successful because I made them work." I believe in working hard, and doing your best. Laziness drives me crazy. I don't like leaving assignments to the last minute. If there is a problem in school -academic or otherwise- it should be communicated, otherwise I don't have an opportunity to help, and they have to take full responsibility for the outcome. Is that a lot to ask from a kid? Probably, but I believe, that if they don't learn discipline and work ethics at the young age, they won't be successful. My standards and expectations are high. I want them to be challenged. I make them work. I scream if they don't listen, and then feel bad about. It is really hard to compete with U-tubes, X-boxes, I-pads, etc, but this is a topic of another conversation.

I don't overfeed or nag. I would never blame my kids for anything I had to "sacrifice" for parenting them. That is because, despite the common belief, I don't sacrifice anything. If you choose to do something, you take all of it - good and bad- without complaining. It applies to careers, sports, hobbies, friendships, but somehow society has a different set of rules for kids. If one buys a luxury car, everybody understands- he enjoys driving it; if he pays for his child's college - he sacrifices. Well, knowing that my kids get a good education gives me more pleasure then driving a luxury car. Children do not choose to be born, nor do they choose how they would be raised, so they don't have to pay for it.

I am trying not to be overly protective, but my husband compensates for it. No amount of scientific evidence is enough for him to prove that cold weather don't cause flu epidemic. He is willing to go above and beyond to dress my teenager into something warmer than his classmates are wearing. Putting a basketball hoop on the drive way took months of intense negotiations. What if the ball bounces off to the road? So he clearly fills that part of "Jewish mother" requirements.

I believe in pursuing your interests in choosing a career. I told my kids, that I don't care who they would become as long as they are good at what they do. There are no limits as to what they can accomplish. This concept is foreign to my parents. They believe I have to point my sons in the "right direction".

We talk about everything. I don't believe that telling the truth about my mistakes and weaknesses impacts the respect my kids have for me. It strengths our bond, reinforces the concept that nobody is perfect and it's OK. We criticize each other constantly, make jokes. My 8 year old can grill us on how many times we got drunk, or if we ever tried drugs; and he would get an honest answer with graphic details to back it up. I remember when my older son came back from an overnight camp trip, and started telling me about how the bunch of boys found a bra in the woods nearby and worshipped it in the bunk. When I told him that I didn't really want to know all the details of this ludicrous act, he said:" But mom you wanted to know everything." There is no elaborate philosophical or educational tactic behind it; I just get a kick out of hearing their opinions and take on things.

My son feels guilty, when he is not doing something that he is suppose to do (like school project). He blames me for that (sounds familiar?). "Mom, I feel bad about it. Are you happy?" he asks me. I am trying not to overdo the guilt thing.

A lot of parents I know consider raising kids to be "the job" -exhausting and all consuming. For me, even though it's quite overwhelming and stressful at times, parenting is mostly about fun. That goes against the very core of "Jewish mother" term. Nevertheless, I still consider myself "a Jewish mother".

In my opinion, the term evolved through the years. We live in more open and more inclusive society. The corporal punishment is replaced by more lenient alternatives. Being grounded in the room with I-phone and computer, or spending 30 minutes in detention doesn't do much disciplining. Parents don't have as much influence on the kids as they had before due to abundance of information coming from all the different sources. You can't protect your kid from it, only to teach them to deal with it, and make the right choices. At the end I am pursuing the same goals as a traditional "Jewish mother" does; I just have updated my methods a bit. I don't know if my approach will bear fruit, or back fire. Time will tell. To me "Jewish mother" is a mother who is crazy about her kid. I am definitely one of those, just more liberal one.

1. "Is she yours?"

Pushing my daughter around the mall and having people comment 'She's so cute! Is she yours, or... ?' You would never think to ask a middle aged woman if that baby she's holding is hers or not! Not only is it none of your business, but you are in fact being super rude. I know I'm young. Get over it.

2. "Where's your baby daddy?"

People will always ask about the whereabouts of her father. Uh, I don't know, at home? At work? Would you like me to call and find out his exact location? It's the middle of the day, and last time I checked I didn't need him to escort me every where I go. Yes, I know lots of teen dads don't stick around, but guess what? Just because I'm barely out of my teens doesn't mean he is. It seems that looking like a teen mom automatically means it's appropriate to ask me questions you'd get slapped for asking someone twice my age.

3. "How are you handling things? I know its hard especially since you're so young."

Thanks for caring. Really. But I'm handling just as well as any other new mom, you don't have to check every 5 minutes. I swear I'm not bringing my newborn to some frat party and leaving her in the corner. She does know a couple of cool party tricks though. Guys in their 20′s are still into poop right?

4. "Was she planned? Or was it a mistake?"

First off, never call my daughter a mistake. Ever. We might not have planned to conceive a baby, but we certainly made the decision to have her. I believe that a good percentage of kids born were unexpected pregnancies. If I had been 10 years older we probably wouldn't even be having this conversation.

5. "Do you wish you could go back and change it?"

Not for the world. Someone actually having the nerve to ask this question just about kills me. I'd like to go back in time and ask your mom the same question. I'm sure she resents raising such an insensitive prick.

6. "But what about your future?"

What about it? Is there anything that I can't do just because I have a baby? I don't think so. Look at it this way, at least I won't have to take time off for maternity leave in the super important formative years of my career. Or those busy, responsibility filled middle years. Nor will I train my replacement just to have to fight for my job back after the baby is born. Work smarter, not harder. Duh.

7. "But none of your friends have kids. Don't you feel isolated?"

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one in this boat. I've never had a problem making friends. With today's social media, people in exactly the same situation are just a click away. Not to mention I now have something in common with millions of women. Who doesn't love spending hour after hour talking about their precious bundle of joy? No new mom I know, that's for sure.

Becoming a mom colours everything in your life from that first intense moment forward. For many women it's a magical time and they cherish every moment and glow from morning until night. For me it felt like doing time.

After I was handed my beautiful, perfect baby my life changed forever and I knew and expected that, but I didn't expect the onslaught of painful emotions and experiences that followed for the months and years to come.

I suffered post partum depression or what some call the baby blues after my second baby was born. I visited a counselor and even took some pills for a few months. Of course, the older my children got the easier things got because they could talk to me and tell me what they needed or wanted instead of screaming. But I remained deeply unhappy and struggling in all areas of my life for the better part of a decade. And it wasn't depression; it was something much worse...

I loved my kids but I hated being a mom. It took me years to admit that because when you hate being a mom it's not like hating rainy days or green peppers or even some evil fictional character. Because becoming a mom becomes an intimate, forever part of you and when you deeply hate and feel sad about a part of yourself you just can't ever feel whole. That's why motherhood felt like a prison to me.

I was so ashamed of myself and felt so much guilt and self loathing that it almost crushed me. It was like I had a festering wound inside me and it stole my joy, laughter and my ability to feel good about myself. Because how could I? All the messages out there say a woman is supposed to love motherhood and yes it can be challenging, but the maternal instinct will help you get through it.

But it's not the maternal instinct that got me through. It took courage and willingness and the decision to do whatever it takes to heal and find the light inside myself.

The biggest challenges that motherhood makes women face are their own inadequacies and limitations. Being responsible for a new life can feel daunting and that we are not good enough to raise a self sufficient and authentic adult. The only way to heal all these perceptions and negative emotions is to take responsibility for them within ourselves and take the necessary healing steps. Because when we feel whole and loving towards ourselves we can truly and authentically feel that way towards others including our children and everyone else no matter who they are.

It is never an easy thing to make mummy friends especially if you have just moved to a new neighborhood. Hanging out with single women after you have become a mother is not in any way convenient and that is why mothers should try their level best to make mum friends. It can be incredibly lonely if you do not have a circle of welcoming mummys when you become a mother. This article will highlight some strategies that mothers can use to make mummy friends:

Join MeetUp
A massive network of different people that live in different areas is what is commonly referred to as MeetUp. Joining this network of friends is the first thing you should do especially you settle down in a new neighborhood. There are different types of mums' groups that one can join and some of them include a new mums' network and the working mums' network.

Go to a women class
The best way to meet other women who have children is by going to a mummy and me class with or without kids. Most mothers attend these classes with their kids and this can also be a perfect opportunity for kids to make new friends. The classes can be at a yoga studio or the gym and this can be a perfect opportunity for you to strike a conversation with some of the mothers in your class. You have to first of all ensure that the woman has kids before you can become friends with them but this does not mean that you can not become friends with those that do not have kids.

Go to the park
The park is another good place to go for mothers to make mummy friends. Most parents take their kids to the park and one can take advantage of such an opportunity to make new friends. You can always have a good conversation as you watch your kids play. You should stop observing people from far and take some courage to talk to them.

Go to family-friendly places on the weekends
Most families are always together during the weekend and one can always make mummy friends when they also involve their husbands. This can be at a street fair, the pool or zoo where most families like hanging out over the weekend. This is another perfect opportunity for you to strike a conversation with other families and in the process make new mummy friends. Casual friendship can eventually turn into a lifelong relationship.

Last week, I mentioned that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. I began to share some of the emotions I felt when my first daughter was stillborn. The shock and numbness were the first feelings I had. There were a lot more emotions I soon experienced. Some of them included sadness and fear.

The sadness seemed to last the longest because of all that we had done to prepare for her arrival were visible to me every single day. We had decorated and setup the nursery. She had clothes, diapers, wipes, bottles, and all that normal expecting parents buy/receive. To have to look at all these items and not have a baby to use them is a sadness that's doesn't go away instantly. I soon found myself sleeping with one of the blankets I bought for her. It was pink and white with a small butterfly in the corner. Some nights my husband would fall asleep on the floor in the nursery. This is how we coped with the sadness. We knew it wouldn't just go away. We knew that our crying would eventually decrease and not happen as often. However, to this day, there's a small bit of sadness that lingers each time I think about her. It's not a sadness that overwhelms anymore. It's just enough to wish she was here on earth with us.

The fear I felt was from the idea of having to face people. My fear was that I would have to constantly explain why Charlotte wasn't with me. When my husband and I went to events, people who didn't know would ask about her. We'd give a quick explanation. They'd say their sorry. We moved on with our evening. My other fears involved how other women would perceive me. At that time, I felt I was inadequate as a woman, wife, and mother. I couldn't save my child so I thought I failed. I thought other women would think I failed too. However, the fear soon faded when women started telling me about their own experiences with pregnancy and/or infant loss. A lot of women approached me to tell me how I would be OK and that I could get through it. Many of these women were older. Long time ago (I'm assuming before President Reagan did his declaration in 1988), it seems the idea of pregnancy and/or infant loss were treated like it was no big deal. No attention or special care were given to the small babies that were born but had died. Some women even said the doctor wouldn't even allow them to hold the baby's body. I couldn't have imagined not being able to hold my daughter. I wanted to hold her as soon as I possibly could - and I did! The doctors dressed her, took pictures, and everything to help me remember her. As devastating as the day was, it still had a small bit of joy.

I love my first daughter, Charlotte Evelina! She motivates me to do greater works! I hope to continue to encourage and empower everyone to know that there is life after any tragic event!

1. Compliment your husband and speak well of him in front of others. Men thrive on being appreciated. They are especially sensitive to any criticisms that they are not good providers or don't spend enough time with the family. Before critiquing your husband for something he did (or didn't) do, first ask yourself "Is what he did wrong, or is it just not the way I would do it?"

2. Prioritize your marriage; start with a date night. A romantic partnership is the foundation of a stable loving family. Try to let go of any guilt you may be feeling in taking some time away from your child. Remember, the long term goal of an intact two-parent family structure outweighs any short term discomfort you or your child may have with separation.

3. Understand that you are the emotional support for your husband. A typical woman has many people that she can talk with regarding a range of emotions, from angry to sad to scared. In our society, men are trained to be "strong" and independent. You, as his female partner, may be the only person he feels comfortable sharing his emotions with, particularly his fears. Give him messages of support that you have confidence in his abilities. Be available to him as he complains about work or expresses any feelings of self-doubt.

4. As you need to connect emotionally through words, most men need to connect physically to feel close. He too needs to feel desired. It makes him feel that even though you have seen his vulnerable side, you still view him as masculine. Women tend to boil down physically intimacy to the physical act of sex. Understand that for men, it is a whole lot more than that. It is the way he feels valued, special, and that you still view him as "your man."

5. Strive to be a "good enough" mother. Your husband looks at you and thinks you are a great mother. He worries that you are stressing yourself out over whether you are "perfect" enough. It doesn't allow you to relax and have fun. It's not your fault. From the moment a woman is pregnant she is bombarded with society's view of what a mother "should be." It can lead a woman to feel that she is constantly failing. You aren't failing. Chances are, if you are wondering if you are a good mother, you are a good mother. Bad mothers don't typically wonder if they are bad mothers. Feel good about your choices and yourself. Relax and have fun.

It's hard being a rules mom - always reminding your kids (and husband) to get off their bikes and walk at crosswalks, to keep their elbows off the dinner table and to say thank you after a compliment. The repetition kills you and the reward seems so far off. You grow weary of harping at them and feel like giving up. Even friends make you seem like a tyrant sometimes. You really need my son's booster seat? It's just a five-minute drive. Yes, you say, he's only seven and it's the law. And I'm driving. Sometimes it feels like you are the only one following the rules.

You weren't always so boring, but something happened to you. The jaywalking, no-helmet-wearing girl of your youth became a mom. Instinct told you that a set of rules had to be drafted, or chaos was sure to ensue. So when is the right time to start enforcing rules? Begin as soon as your child can understand basic language and start with very simple guidelines for behaviour. Your actions will also teach them what is acceptable in certain situations. For teens, specific rules and boundaries will give them a sense of security and let them know where they fit in to the bigger picture. Limits help to ground adolescents at a time in their lives when so much is in upheaval. You can raise capable and confident children if you define family rules and values early and follow through on them. Children need to know what is expected of them and that a code of conduct is in place for their family.

Rules protect your children from harm and keep them healthy, but don't be overly rigid with them. Rules are in place for a reason, but they will also be broken at times. Turn these occasions into learning opportunities for your child by explaining the consequences of their actions and demonstrating how they could have changed the outcome.

Stay strong and don't give in to outside influences. Children will always compare themselves to their friends and wonder why their family does things differently. They will also try to make you bend the rules to suit their needs. Simply explain that your family's rules and values are unique and in place for a reason. They must be respected and followed by all family members.

It really does pay to be a rules mom. Because of your hard work and determination, you will slowly notice your children following the rules without having to be reminded. You'll fill with pride as you watch them say please and thank you on a regular basis, come home on schedule, pick-up their things around the house and much more. And believe it or not, one day they will thank you for the structure and clear guidelines and you will have your ultimate reward.

So, I mentioned that you should expect the worst, right?

You can't come back to me and say, "Nobody told me this would be so hard!!"

For the record, I told you.

Here is what else I am going to tell you:

The first two weeks of your baby's life will be the hardest two weeks of your life.

Did you hear me?

The first two weeks of your baby's life will be the hardest two weeks of your life.

I don't care if you have pledged a sorority or fraternity, gone through basic training, earned your medical degree, pulled 24-hour shifts at work, or gotten a neck tattoo.

The first two weeks of your baby's life will be the hardest two weeks of your life.

Why? Because not only will you be utterly exhausted, overwhelmed, in physical pain, and scared shitless. Not only because you will have the most severe hormonal shifts for the first few weeks postpartum that you will ever have in your life (it trumps PMS and menopause). But it is because you will also be overcome with the weight of the responsibility that has been laid upon your shoulders.

You have never loved anything like you will love your child. (I know, I know, you love your dog. Just wait.)

You have never been responsible for not only keeping something so important to you alive, but also for keeping him out of jail and hopefully for struggling to put him through college.

In my opinion, there is only one sacrifice when you have a child. It isn't sleep, it isn't your body, it isn't sex.

The biggest sacrifice in becoming a mother is the loss of peace of mind. Forever.

Okay, so we have established that for a number of reasons, the first two weeks will be the hardest two weeks of you life, right?

DO NOTHING DRASTIC IN THE FIRST TWO WEEKS.

Don't quit your job. Don't divorce your husband. Don't sell your house. Don't send your dog to the SPCA...

... and don't quit breastfeeding.

The first two weeks are critical to this entire breastfeeding relationship. If you mess up the demand and supply in the first two weeks, we may not be able to fix it.

So, do whatever it takes. But just don't quit. Not in the first two weeks.

Once the dust settles and you feel like you are coming out of the earthquake that was your baby's arrival, then we can talk about quitting.

But chances are that by that point, you'll be able to say, "Well, I made it through the hardest two weeks... "

Mother's Day has been a minefield for me over the years. As year after year passed with no pregnancies or, worse, failed IVF and early miscarriages, I dreaded Mother's Day.

I'd send off my cards and host brunches, but inside, a piece of me was wailing and hiding from the pain of not being a mom on this day of all days of the year. Often I'd hide in my house, not wanting to have to be out and about seeing mothers with their children, celebrating being a mom, celebrating their joy while I was falling apart inside from grief and fear that I would never be able to celebrate this day.

I very clearly remember Mother's Day of 2012. Trip and I were at a hunt test in rural Maryland, right on the Delaware border. It may even have been Delaware, actually. We left around noon Sunday to head home and decided to stop about 30 minutes or so away at an IHOP type of place to grab brunch.

Trip was parking the car as I walked in to get us a table. The waitress greeted me with a huge smile and a very enthusiastic "Happy Mother's Day!"

I nearly crumpled to the floor. No, I am not a mother. Wait, I take that back. I was a mother for about two to seven days more times than I care to think about. I have been close to being chosen by a birth mother a couple of times by now, only to have her either change her mind or choose someone else.

In fact, I've been trying to be a mother for 10 years now, but I am not actually a mother... and I am terrified I will never be one.

But, instead of saying all that, I simply smiled and let her lead me to a booth while I dug my fingernails into the palm of my hand while I willed the tears to stay back.

As soon as Trip got to the table, I excused myself and all but ran to the bathroom to finally release the tears. The pain. The fear. The crushing agony of this day.

I made my requisite phone calls that day then hid away and waited for Monday to arrive. Glorious Monday.

That day sticks out in my mind so vividly for many reasons. In addition to those above, it is also because it was the last Mother's Day I spent NOT being a mother.

We learned about Kennedy's pregnancy on my dad's birthday (July 11), and were chosen by our birth mother the next day, on July 12th. Kennedy was born 2.5 months later, on September 22nd.

And then, just like that, I was a mom. Me. After 10 Mother's Days, I was a mom.

Ironically, Mother's Day 2013 found us back at that same hunt test, in that same either Maryland or Delaware place. Only this time, I had Kennedy with me. And that afternoon, Trip placed a huge bouquet of flowers on the window of the car for me to find.

And when we were driving home, I asked if we could stop for brunch. At the same place. On Mother's Day. As a mom.

And I walked in with Kennedy and graciously accepted the "Happy Mother's Day" greeting as we were led to our booth.

But this time I didn't hide the tears. I let them flow. I let them flow down my face for all the babies that weren't to be. I let them flow for all the months and years of no babies.

And then I let them flow onto me and Kennedy, joining us in gratitude and love for the baby I was meant to have. The baby that made the wait and the pain finally make sense.

The baby, the child, that made me a mother.

No arguments that being a single Mum is tough and tiring, doing all the hard work by yourself, dealing with your kid's emotions and questions regarding the dad, and in some situations you handle the financial matters on your own.

Once you pull yourself together and get past the fear of being alone there is a bright side to it that people disregard most of the time!

1 - You become your baby's role model

When there is no dad around, your precious little baby grows around you most of the time, and you will get to see yourself in them, your mannerisms, your style & even the hand gestures, it is like raising a younger version of yourself only this time, you will get to do it better!

2 - You get stronger

The process of becoming a single Mummy is scary and you doubt yourself most of the time but that's only in the beginning, if you take it one step at a time, it helps you to mature and grow on your own because let's face it, if you don't woman up who will for your little baby?

3 - Your baby grows to be more independent

At a younger age, kids monitor everything you do, they keep it in the back of their minds, when they see you doing everything on your own they automatically start doing the same, and they grow to become more independent and strong.

4 - You learn to do things on your own

When you are a single parent, there is no one around to change the light bulb or help you around the house, this makes you explore your potential and figure out what you are capable of doing without requiring help from anyone!

5 - You manage to juggle work, home and your baby all together

Finding the thin line of perfection, juggling everything and everyone without forgetting your own social life is not an easy task but you find the positive aspect at some point, only then you feel like a super Mummy.

6 - You make all the decisions

No one to undermine your authority, you become both parents the pampering mum and the strict dad, the one who hugs and punishes at the same time with no authority what's so ever or anyone correcting your parenting style!

7 - You shine

Every card you receive, every school play your kid has a role in, every gift or every flower it is all for you, no one but you & all the accomplishments are not because his or her parents did a good job, it is because you did a good job!

1. Is the child's book a #1 Best Seller, (Amazon, New York Times, USA Today, Publishers Weekly, and/or Indiebound)?
2. READ the BOOK REVIEWS, Read the Free Book or View Free Video
3. Research the Author,

1. Does the author have a Website?
2. Does the author have a social media presence? Facebook, Twitter
3. Google the author's name, does Google recognize the author?

4. Is there a good teaching lesson that Stirs the Imagination?
5. Is the book Child approved?

Having a child is a blessing every couple looks forward to having after marriage. Having a child or children marks a complete family for most people. Under normal circumstances, most couples should be successful in having a child within a few months. However, things may not go as every couple expects where some couples struggle to get pregnant. The reason behind this in most cases is infertility.

What is infertility?

Infertility is the failure of a couple to conceive even when they actively engage in unprotected sexual intercourse. The diagnosis is given to couples who have tried to conceive for at least 12 months without success. Infertility can be categorized into primary and secondary infertility. The former entails couples who have never had a child before while the latter involves couples who had already conceived but are unable to conceive again.

Why some women struggle to get pregnant and what causes infertility in the first place?

Ovulation problems are the main reason for some women who struggle to get pregnant. Hormonal issues and polycystic ovaries are some of the causes that bring about ovulation problems. Blocked fallopian tubes mostly caused by endometriosis or pelvic inflammatory disease are another reason why some women will not get pregnant. If a woman has structural problems with the uterus, she cannot carry a pregnancy for a full term even if they conceive.

Age is another reason that makes some women struggle to get pregnant because as a woman grows older especially past 35 years, her ability to produce healthy eggs reduces. Conception requires healthy sperms and egg functioning to be successful. Even though the majority of infertility cases in woman are caused by problems in their reproductive systems, some struggle to conceive because of their poor way of life habits - such including drinking, smoking, and poor diet.

How to reverse infertility and get pregnant naturally.

If a woman is diagnosed with infertility, that doesn't mean it is the end of the road for her. There are many remedies that don't involve surgery or drugs that can help her to become naturally pregnant. Equipping yourself with the appropriate knowledge on fertility is the beginning of your journey to becoming pregnant naturally. Below is such info entailing ways that can help women who are struggling to become successful in getting pregnant naturally.

Check on weight.

Being overweight or underweight can be the enemy hindering you from becoming pregnant. Being overweight results to the production of too much estrogen while being underweight can interrupt your normal cycle. Both of these things reduce the opportunity of becoming pregnant. You should therefore try to maintain a healthy weight to give your body better cooperation and increase the chances of becoming pregnant naturally.

Starting a fitness program is a good way to maintain a healthy weight, but one should be cautious not to overdo it. Overdoing exercises can interfere with your period and delay the process of ovulation. Relaxing exercises like long baths, walking or swimming are some of the best exercises to help you maintain a healthy weight and increase your chances of getting pregnant naturally. Yoga is also a great stress reliever for a lot of people with some experts also believing that specific poses can help promote baby-making by increasing blood flow to your pelvis, stimulating hormone-producing glands, and releasing muscle tension.

Avoid Stress and Negative Mindset.

Keeping your mood feeling good like your body is also important in helping you to get pregnant. You should be in a good mindset and avoid stress. This is not the time to lay blames or feel guilty because you have been diagnosed with infertility. Stay positive hoping for the best outcome and believe everything will work well. Of course, stress is part of the day to day life, but you should never let it take complete control over you through depression.

The worry and anxiety of failing to get pregnant month after month should not lower your zeal and efforts to become pregnant. Accepting that such anxieties and worries happen is the best approach to deal with them. Take time to relax as a way of coping with the issues. Do your favourite activity such as watching a movie with your partner, listening to music, reading a book to occupy your mind and forget about stress around you. Taking a vacation will also work magic in relieving your stress and making your body and mind relaxed hence increasing the chances of conceiving.

Timing Your Ovulation Period.

Timing your ovulation window is the best way to become pregnant naturally. You should know your menstrual cycle and know when you will be ovulating. To assess the ovulation period, you can use temperature, mucus or moods to judge the best timing. There are many apps and kits out there that can help you determine your ovulation period if you have an irregular menstrual cycle. During the ovulation period, you are very fertile, and chances of becoming pregnant are high. Therefore, if you manage to time this period well, you can easily forget about your periods for the next nine months.

Quit Smoking and Alcoholism.

If you have been fighting getting pregnant but on the other hand, you are always smoking, or you are an alcoholic, its time you quit both. Alcohol, caffeine, Nicotine and other toxins inhaled during smoking can interfere with your cycle hence reduce the chance of getting pregnant. The smoke can also lead to the production of unhealthy eggs or damage the sperms hence they don't fertilise or terminate the pregnancy afterwards. These substances can also affect the nervous system of the unborn child. Therefore, if you are aiming at getting pregnant and having healthy babies, you should keep away from alcohol and smoking.

Diet.

Eating the right foods and sticking with a healthy diet is a very important part in getting pregnant naturally. Take foods rich in iron, protein, vitamin D, and Zinc. Such foods include spinach, potatoes, lean meat, fish, and plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables. Stay away from junk foods because they are high in trans-fat content and won't do you any good in your efforts to become pregnant naturally. Such foods include cookies, French fries, doughnuts among others. Fish with high mercury levels such as salmon, shark and Spanish mackerel should also be avoided. Generally, to ensure you have a healthy diet, incorporate whole grains, vitamins, minerals, fruits, and vegetables. This will be very helpful in getting you pregnant naturally.

Maintain a Good Positioning.

The position you assume when making love is another important element in getting pregnant naturally. One of the best positions that can help you in getting pregnant is missionary position. It helps in an interlocking and ensures most of the sperm goes deep into your body. After the intercourse, you should avoid movement and raise your hips using a pillow to ensure you retain most of the semen.

How some women have benefited by using the "Miracle pregnancy eBook."

If you have tried all you can but haven't been successful in becoming pregnant, you may consider looking into the Pregnancy Miracle eBook. This is an eBook of around 240 pages written by Lisa Olsen detailing 14 years of research and her own battles of failing to become pregnant. The book incorporates what Lisa calls a miracle plan which consists of a holistic approach and natural treatment that can help one to get pregnant naturally instead of going for surgery and drugs. The book teaches older women how to stimulate their bodies so that they can become productive like those of young girls. In this book, you also learn about what you are supposed to eat, how to exercise, as well as many other aspects on the topic of getting pregnant naturally. Lisa outlines everything in a procedural approach, supports her arguments with scientific research and explains how other women have benefited from the methods she gives.

There charts and checklists that can help users to track their progress without referring to the eBook. This book has brought smiles to Lisa and many women around the world. Some women have reported getting pregnant after a few months of following the methods given in the eBook. Many women have stated it is the best book out there for conceiving naturally and learning how to reverse infertility and get pregnant naturally.

However, if you think this book will work like magic, you are wrong. It is not a quick fix. Lisa emphasizes that her eBook requires patience to work unlike what other solutions like surgery and drugs claims to offer. Instead, the eBook tries to fight the main causes of infertility with the aim of helping the users get pregnant naturally. Many people have testified that this program has taught them how to increase fertility naturally.

Conclusion.

Getting a negative result on your pregnancy test kit can be really disappointing. The situation becomes worse when you are diagnosed to be infertile. Infertility is a term every married couple hates with a passion. Infertility can result in a heavy burden financially and emotionally. People around you take you as barren hence affecting you emotionally, and when you turn to treatments, it can be very costly.

Medications for the same reason can be complicated and may involve long processes to apply for and work. However, infertility diagnosis doesn't mean all is over for you. There is hope, but you need to be well informed first to fight infertility. You can fight this menace without surgery or drugs and become pregnant naturally.

The above tips on how to reverse infertility and get pregnant naturally can make you smile after many years of agony. They are all natural and don't pose any risk to you or your unborn child when you become pregnant. Stop infertility in its tracts today and get pregnant naturally!

Learn how to conceive naturally and how to learn new healthy habits that increase your chances of falling pregnant.